Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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