I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
