that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
