Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
