Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
