One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
