Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
