ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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