new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
