we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
