turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
