take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
