my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
