im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Fuck appropriateness.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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