THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
