i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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