Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
