A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
