It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
