soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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