Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
