I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
