okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
