I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
