tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
