Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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