at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Shame is for Republicans.
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