Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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