Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
