I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
