Non-Jews are for practice
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
