It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
