Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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