one two three fourrrrnication!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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