I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I bet he comes in French.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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