Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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