He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
