Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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