Only a mothe r could love this liver
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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