one might say we're banned from that church
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
