If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
