I cannot find my penis.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
