C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
