you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
