I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
