I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Randomize
