wakey wakey hands off snakey
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
