who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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