I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just cut my nipple shaving
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
