Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
