Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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